Date: Wed, July 10, 2013 3:32 pm (answered 16 July 2013) I have 2 friends in AA... and since I moved to LA I've been "invited" to come along with them to meetings a number of times... something I found very very odd as I really only drink every now and then and I never get drunk except perhaps at long summer barbecues by accident... The even [event, experience] of being drunk for me is sort of unpleasant and is something I typically avoid... and I think this puts me into the class of "the normal average american beer drinker" I went to bars when I was younger mostly to meet girls and also occasionally in the event of over staying might have drank to much.... but who hasn't done this a few times in their 20s? again... normal... so as to people remembering me on wild nights in NYC some dating back 10 years... and now that I'm in my 30s and just a normal average guy working in LA... I'm branded an alcoholic... one summer afternoon I was chided and given a lot of grief for having a glass of wine while trying to play chess with my AA friend... the reason was I had had a beer an hour before... this to him suddenly was me "knocking them back" .... who "knocks back" a glass of wine? that was a little nuts... this was before I knew of two girls I know have been getting pretty badly damaged by AA... one is spiraling out of control with depression and is trying to fill up her life with 2 meetings a day rather than coping with her real problems... that being that she basically isn't going to be a world famous DJ and she is single and 35 years old and beginning to realize she is going to be getting more and more lonely very soon... sad, blunt, harsh even but very true in her case and many other women like her... she can't let go of some kind of dream she had when she was in her 20s... the other girl is a party girl with really nothing else going on in her life... she outright rejects AA but her partying "relapses" which by all means should be landing her in jail are simply landing her in rehab centers where she is getting hard boiled prison AA which basically is how you described it... she's mostly a victim of a desperate need for attention which she is always trying to get from men and she accepts this attention in the form of gifts (drugs and alcohol) and sex and partying... she is happy as long as she is the star... she is a very typical type of specimen that has been found around hollywood since hollywood has been called hollywood and in fact as far as I can tell is simply copying her mother... NONE of her issues are being addressed by AA except drinking and drugs... And TADA it's not working... so these people in my life are in this cult that isn't helping them at all while they are all being told they will have all their problems fixed by this 12 step program thats all laid out before them... no one ever talks about what the 12 steps are however... in fact I didn't find a summary in your paper... I still don't know what they are and frankly I don't care... I knew it before I read your paper that AA is hurting people... just as bad as prescribing one wonder pill to cure everyone in a hospital you can't rationally argue that some 12 step program replaces all rational thought or self control... face your own demons... paddle your own canoe... but these people are so far gone I don't know how to get them to listen to me and take their own lives back... one of them is my best friend... he is going to be the best man at my wedding... and I'm scared a little bit of how insular he is becoming as result of AA here in LA... in AA here people seem to be under the impression that they have to break ties with their past and just go full in and only have AA friends... like... wtf? so... do you have any advice for me? how can I help my friend rejoin the human race?
Hello Alexander,
Thank you for the letter and the questions. The problem that you are describing is just so classic.
That is just what cults do. The cult training teaches people that the only people whom they
should associate with are other cult members.
And the only people whom they value are other cult members.
And the only people whom they think they should listen to are other cult members.
That is a standard cult characteristic, or rather, several of them:
(Note that you can switch between the Cult Test question and the answer for A.A. by clicking on
the number of the question or answer inside of the cult test.)
Also see:
And Heaven help you if you take a drink in front of A.A. members. Oh horrors! They loose it.
I agree that your drinking habits sound boringly normal and not at all alcoholic.
But in their extreme beliefs, well-indoctrinated A.A. members think that
any departure from absolute purity is an immediate descent into Hell.
They want to make you into an alcoholic just because you have a few drinks now
and then.
The Demand For Purity is another standard cult characteristic:
And the claim that they have all of the required answers to all of life's problems
is yet another standard cult characteristic, or several of them:
As you already noticed, the 12 Steps are not good therapy for people who have mental problems like
depression. In fact, spending hours and years confessing everything that is wrong with yourself
— all of your sins and wrongs and "defects of character" and
"moral shortcomings" and resentments —
is so depressing that it drives some people to suicide. Literally. Look here:
A.A. Suicides.
That confession routine is psychologically damaging and tears you down. It does not build you
up and help you to recover. Nor does it make you spiritual. It just messes with your head.
That is why so many cults — and even Chinese Communist brainwashing — use confession sessions to
tear people down and make them more vulnerable to conversion.
I can tell you what the 12 Steps really are in one short sentence: "The 12 Steps
are Dr. Frank Buchman's cult religion recruiting and indoctrination practices."
Their major effect is religious conversion and brainwashing. (Compare the A.A. practices to
the Communist Chinese brainwashing practices,
here.
Also see this:
Did the Chinese Communists learn
brainwashing techniques from Frank Buchman?)
Bill Wilson was a member of Frank Buchman's cult, and he just copied Buchman's crazy
fascist theology to get the 12 Steps and all of the rest of the warped A.A. religious
dogma. Here are some pages that describe the 12 Steps and their origins:
Now for the big question: How do you rescue your friends from that loony bin?
That is difficult because cult members usually wish to remain cult members (although they won't
admit that they are in a cult.) And cult members usually immediately reject any criticism
of their cult, or any suggestion that they should leave the cult.
I usually end up referring people to Steve Hassan's books about how to free people from a cult.
We have discussed such issues many times. Here are some of them:
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Thu, July 11, 2013 11:14 pm (answered 18 July 2013) Sorry to be such a pedant — it's my line of work actually — but William James's dates are 1842-1910. Quickly, to the point. In the very first weeks of my sobriety, I was damned damned damned — I'd already seen it — if I would read that pea-brained Bill Wilson's pathetic Big Book, so instead set myself to reading patiently, one chapter every night, "The Varieties of Religious Experience." 30 years later, what a valuable investment of my time this has turned out to be. James's was a capacious mind, curious about and sympathetic to almost anything conceivable. Not for nothing did Alfred North Whitehead refer to him as "that adorable genius." http://www.webofstories.com/play/oliver.sacks/338;jsessionid=328359347780FC1980D101438BC00186 It's just an accident of geography of course, but I happen to live a few blocks away from James's house at 95 Irving Street. Every time I pass by there's a certain buzz — yes, giants have indeed trod this earth! — along with a feeling of gratitude. My conclusion (and his): Sober is better. rb
Hello Richard,
Thanks for the correction and the information.
Interesting, very interesting.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Thu, July 18, 2013 2:16 pm (answered 18 July 2013) I do not know nor I do not know if I will ever know what keeps me sober? God? Steps? ego deflation? helping people? what the hell.... i hope you respond...
Hello Paul,
Thanks for the question. That's a good one.
I have a pretty good idea of what keeps me sober.
I don't have a "program" or a method or a strategy for staying sober. It's more like just
a collection of odds and ends attitudes and ideas and beliefs.
Like the idea that I don't want to die that way, and the belief that committing suicide is usually
a very stupid thing to do.
I chose to quit drinking after my doctor said, "Quit drinking or die. Choose one."
And he wasn't joking. I was so sick that I could believe him too. It was close to the end (and he said so).
Strangely enough, when push came to shove, I decided to live. In spite of the fact
that I had been drinking for 20 years, and smoking and drugging for 30 years, I just suddenly
quit all of them because I decided to live.
I still get thoughts of drinking. I just had it happen again a couple of hours ago. The new TV series
"Under The Dome" had a commercial on TV, advertising the next show, where they said that the
Army was going to target the dome with missiles and try to blow the thing away, and everybody
under the dome would die. So the people under the dome were doing the usual end-of-the-world
partying (like we've seen in so many sci-fi movies).
One woman was drinking a bottle of wine, and she held out a glass in invitation.
Suddenly, in my mind's eye, I was in the movie, thinking about accepting the offered glass of wine.
If I was there, why not drink? What would it matter, if we were all going to die the next morning?
Who are you saving it for? I could drink and party with her until the end.
But then I thought, "No, I'd rather go out sober."
Funny how that works. Even in a fantasy, you can still have values.
And I notice that I value sobriety. And it isn't just sobriety for sobriety's sake. It's for very
specific things like being clear-headed and having memory that works.
Those two things are a big deal. It took me nine months to recover from alcohol enough to be able
to remember faces, and five years to get my short-term memory back.
And it took several years to really get the clarity back, and I'm not eager to lose it now.
Even just a little alcohol can destroy the clarity.
That's one of the things that keeps me sober.
Inability to remember or recognize
faces is called "Prosopagnosia",
and it can be caused by either alcohol-induced brain damage or by poisoning with
toxic industrial chemicals. I guess, when you come right down to it, alcohol
qualifies as a toxic industrial chemical.
It's hard to describe how weird it is, not having working memory. People say hi to you by name, and they know
you and know a bunch of things about you, and you can't remember ever having seen them before in
your life. It's so surreal that it feels like the Arnold Schwartzenegger movie "Total Recall"
where people were erasing his memory and lots of people knew him from his past, but he didn't
know them.
Then there are a lot of odds-and-ends reasons for staying sober: Like waking up without a hang-over.
I'm happy to say that I haven't had a hang-over in more than 12 years now. And then, even a little
alcohol can make you wake up the next morning feeling a little fuzzy-headed, even if you aren't hung over.
The clarity is gone. I don't like that.
Then there is the big thing that if I got drunk, there is a very good chance that I'd want a cigarette,
just to make the room stop spinning.
My will power and resistance to the temptation of a cigarette is weak when I'm drunk.
And that is the kiss of death. Tobacco nearly killed me.
And it is so addicting that I had to come down with bronchitis and pneumonia to get the motivation to
really quit and stay quit. I really don't want to go back there again. And if staying sober is what
it takes to stay off of cigarettes, then I consider that a small price to pay.
Then there is the self-respect thing. That is, I can feel good about the fact that I finally got it
together and have 12 1/2 years of sobriety now. I don't care to lose that. And if I did relapse,
thousands of the hostile Steppers would be crowing and cheering. I just don't care to give them
the satisfaction.
Then there is the health thing. The quality of my entire life is completely different from how it
was when I was smoking and drinking. I was basically chronically sick and depressed, for many
years. I never
got on my bicycle and went and fed the ducks and geese, and enjoyed the fresh air and sunshine.
(Didn't even have a bike.)
Health-wise, I'm basically on another planet now. And I don't care to go back to being chronically
half-sick.
Now, for some hints and kinks and techniques for quitting and staying sober, I wrote up a few letters describing
some of mine:
Have a good day now, and a good life.
== Orange
Date: Thu, July 18, 2013 7:33 am (answered 20 July 2013)
-------- Original Message --------
PS thought you'd be interested in this article
Thank you. That's good. There is suddenly a lot of publicity about the dangers of attending A.A. meetings,
including
going on the Katie Couric show on TV
and talking about the dangers.
So that sexual exploitation happened in southeastern Pennsylvania, huh? It's happening everywhere.
The author's last sentence said, "there aren't even any 'suggestions' in the
Big Book or 12&12" (regarding not sexually exploiting newcomer women).
Actually, there are some suggestions about sex in the Big Book.
Bill Wilson said that wifey was being hysterial and
her vision was highly colored when he cheated and philandered, and when he stepped out, wifey should just
shut up and forget it. Parrotting Bill's crazy teachings,
the women of Al-Anon say to the other wives:
And then, in the Big Book,
Bill wrote these instructions for how to cheat on your wife:
Isn't that neat? Cheat on your wife, but don't tell wifey because she will become
jealous and vindictive towards the other woman.
Then tell wifey to forget it.
Then, in a classic textbook example of psychological projection,
Bill Wilson actually struck back at Lois and accused her of being unfaithful.
In the Big Book chapter "To Wives", which was supposedly
written by the wives of the alcoholics, but was really written by Bill Wilson,
Bill put these words into the mouths of "the wives":
Bill Wilson was cheating on his wife, so he accused the wives of cheating on their husbands.
As if his behavior would be okay because everybody is doing it.
And that is Bill Wilson's holy "Big Book" advice about sex.
Laura Thompkins left a good comment, too.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Wed, July 17, 2013 9:45 pm (answered 18 July 2013) I want to occasionally tell the horrid tale of AA here in Spartanburg. its morbid, its sick twisted and word needs to get out the methods these locals use john
The forum lets people blog. You are welcome there.
Date: Tue, July 16, 2013 7:22 pm (answered 20 July 2013) I'm initially seeking to join the forums to ask people about Ibogaine treatment. I found your site while seeking non-cult recovery. Thank you for your website. Your section entitled "12 step snake oil" is a wonderful introduction into the world of sound science replacing AA/ NA baloney.
Hello CC,
You are welcome in the forums. Just register, and then email me and tell
me what user name you registered.
By the way, here are some links:
Have a good day now.
Date: Tue, July 16, 2013 3:38 pm (answered 20 July 2013)
Given recent inroads into marijuana legalization, we should expect the emergence of
support groups for persons who use marijuana while recovering from the use of
alcohol and other drugs. This development is long overdue, and should be encouraged
Peter Ferentzy, PhD
Hello again, Peter,
Thanks for the input. I have also often thought that if alcoholics drank less alcohol and smoked
more pot, that their health would be much better.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Fri, July 19, 2013 9:13 am (answered 24 July 2013) Hey man, I like your website. I don't agree with all of it but I've definitely had my struggles with this whole cult thing. I was in Midtown and still have a lot of friends there but just recently pulled all the way out, which is very difficult. In my mind it was the only way to go, and I'm sure I'm going to have a long bumpy road ahead of disillusionment looking back, which I'm sure is pretty typical of someone leaving a cohesive organization like that. I've been in and out for a while, and quite frankly I'm sick of being told things like it's all my fault or being surrounded with people who care more about their own sobriety and state of mind or supporting an agenda of mythical beliefs than they do about the actual welfare of others. The other thing that you may not have discussed so much in your website that is the dead truth is that no one actually cares. They don't care when someone dies, they see it as a knock to the A.A. program, or "another one bites the dust" or something like that. But I rarely ever see anyone grieve someone's death, and my friends who are still in are led to believe that such displays of emotion are somehow selfish. I can tell they are struggling with it, but of course that might just be my perception. Anyways, it seems like your website needs a face lift, which I could help you with if you want. I do website design sometimes and I think you have a lot of really good points but the way they're presented are in very fanatical ways. I think you could clean up the site some and have people take you more seriously. I'd be willing to do that as a project if you'd like.
Hello Robbie,
Thanks for the letter and the offer of help. I have often thought about a facelift for
the web site and improving the appearances. And maybe a little more artwork.
But right now the most pressing issue is finding
a new host for the web site. Hostmonster, which I've been using, is really bad and they are
constantly screwing things up and overloading their servers by overselling, and thus
causing things to break down.
I have been unable to get into my email for as long as a week at
a time when Hostmonster has broken the system again.
I would like to co-locate my own server somewhere. I can do a far better job of running a host system
than Hostmonster is doing.
I'm looking into that.
I quite agree about the A.A. members not caring. I find it appalling that when someone dies after
having done the 12 Steps and stopping taking his medications on instructions from his sponsor, that
someone opines, "Some must die so that others may live." No. That is rubbish.
Joe Blow does not have to die to help me to stay sober.
I don't know what you mean by "the way they're presented are in very fanatical ways."
I research very carefully, and always err on the side of understatement. I know that when someone
contradicts the corn-pone wisdom that "everybody knows" about alcoholism
and addictions — because A.A. has been repeating their
lies for 75 years now — that it sounds extreme. But it isn't; it's the truth.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Sun, July 21, 2013 10:36 am (answered 24 July 2013) I just happened upon your pages while google searching things to debunk the "amazing" AA theories. LOL!! I am 33 years old. When I was 7 my father, who was a healthy successful person who ran marathons, became addicted to opiates due to an illness. My mom and aunt, who were heavily involved in Al-anon, forced me to go to Al-a-teen meetings. I was so young and I hated those meetings. I remember very clearly how awful I felt sitting in those rooms. It was so depressing and all anyone talked about were heavily negative things and events. I am not a psychologist (although I spent years in useless therapy), but my common sense tells me that those meetings were quite possible largely traumatic, more so even than what was going on in my family, in a certain way. What better way to learn about drugs than to be in a room where that's all they talk about?! Lol! Smart move al-a-teen/tot!! I just learned to ride a bike at 33, I was too busy as a child learning about addiction ;) I felt like somehow what was going on in my family was somehow my fault. How sad for all children put in this position. Your parents are supposed to be the ones helping you and allowing you to enjoy your childhood. I have no happy memories from mine. In high school I got into using cocaine for a year on and off... Still functioning in my life in many ways. One day I wanted to stop and expressed this to my dad (who was still using and preaching AA at the same time, lol!!), and he immediately threw me in rehab where I was filled with more and more 12 step dogma. I never used drugs and/or alcohol more than on a "binge for a couple days" basis and always functioned at a high level. My common sense always told me "alcoholism" is not a disease, from the time I was a child it was easy to see that if someone puts u in a space where everyone is telling u r something that u can easily become convinced that u are that thing. I have questioned AA theories for 26 years. I did somatic experiencing therapy that got me in touch with traumas I've experienced and AA was one at the top of my list. I went in and out of that program, no matter what my common sense told me, because I listened to the people around me. I never believed I was an alcoholic, but an innocent victim of their dogma whose life was negatively altered because of it. I am finally at an age and point in my personal life that I feel more than confident in standing up for my beliefs. I read tons of scientific research that debunks AA dogma and I thoroughly enjoy it. I work in wellness coaching and am expanding my practice to help people through addictive behaviors with positive self management tools. I also start Somatic Experiencing training this fall so that I can help people deeply recover from such traumas It is my personal mission to help as many people and families through these methods in hopes that more children can actually enjoy their childhoods while their parents find a positive path to deal with their own issues. Thank you for putting your intelligent information out there!!
Warmest regards, Sent from my iPhone
Hello B.,
Thank you for the letter. That says a lot. Shoving the 12-Step religion and quackery on children is
especially insidious. I'm glad to hear that you survived it and came out on top. And you are working
to spread a little light and sanity in this world. Good luck with that.
By the way, I'm adding this story to
the list of A.A. horror stories.
And have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Tue, July 23, 2013 1:49 pm (answered 26 July 2013)
Hello again, Ctmjon,
Thanks for the laugh, and a genuine lesson in yet another linguistic trick.
Paraprosdokians.
I shall have to remember that.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Tue, July 23, 2013 12:49 pm (answered 26 July 2013) Kenneth A. posted in Orange Papers
How the Media Misrepresents Alcoholics Anonymous If the media portrayed AA accurately would people stop joining? Reply to this email to comment on this post.
Hello Kenneth,
That article is quite good. And right on. The author's observations agree with mine.
Even though the first words uttered from the plastic-laminated dogma at every A.A. meeting are:
I've never seen a TV program portray that correctly.
They always gloss over the cultish aspects of the 12 Steps. Now why is that?
Oh well, have a good day now.
== Orange
Date: Tue, July 23, 2013 3:30 pm (answered 26 July 2013)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-ferentzy/drug-policy-addict-stigma_b_3632775.html
Peter Ferentzy, PhD
Date: Thu, July 25, 2013 9:22 am (answered 26 July 2013) hi Orange — interesting site — great information — i've been poking around and getting lots validated — (not that i need it) thanks for the great work! -JT aka toothpick john
Hello JT,
Thanks for the compliments, and you have a good day too.
== Orange
Date: Fri, July 26, 2013 4:03 am (answered 28 July 2013) I just read your fancy paper with all your fun graphs and proof AA does not work. It seems to be working for me pretty good. I guess the difference is I do not expect NA (I am a recovering heroin addict) to solve the issue of my illness. I detoxed myself on the couch just like you described tired of watching people die or go to jail. The reason I stick around NA is partly because I do not want to relapse, but also to show people who are checking out meeting that people do recover. Also that life gets better. I go to NA to improve my quality of life. I also enjoy the spiritual principles outlined in the program. No program sent me there, no one told me it was the only way to get clean. Nor did I even tell my ex-husband that he needed to attend meetings to stay clean (unfortunately he is not clean, hence the ex part). I am sure you are receiving a bunch of mean emails from die hard 12stepers. I don't want to criticize you, you obviously put a lot of hard work into this paper. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about 12 step programs. It's like someone who was scared by Catholic School. I just wanted to let you know some of us are into it because we truly care about others and want to stop being leaches on society. You will hear in meetings you don't have to work the steps to stay clean, but they do help the quality of life (emotionally not materially). That part I do agree with. Whether I was a spontaneous remission case or not. For me it is all about not living dirty any more in active addiction and also in my previous clean time (2yrs) I didn't find much joy in life. If I can't connect with life on life's terms which is what NA teaches me. It is hard for me to grasp a reason to not do heroin it's amazing. I mean YOLO right?(that was sarcasm I hate that term). Just the YOLO part though. Seriously there was not 1 reason for me until I started to change my actions and my thinking. Now I am coming on 2 1/2yrs scary time since I didn't make it last time, but I am grounded in NA and I want to stay that way. After all it's parent program AA worked well for my own parent. My dad is one of those 36yr chip people. I have never once seen him touch a drink.
Thanks for your time.
Hello Elisa,
Thank you for the letter.
Congratulations on quitting heroin. I'm glad to hear that you are doing well.
I'm sorry to hear that your ex-husband is not.
People quit their bad habits when they choose to, and not until. You chose to quit, and your ex-husband
did not. So it goes.
And I hate to have to disillusion you, but there are no "spiritual principles outlined in
the program." None.
The 12 Steps are actually gross heresy, not spirituality. Check out
The Heresy of the Twelve Steps.
You said,
"You seem to have a chip on your shoulder about 12 step programs. It's
like someone who was scared by Catholic School."
No, that isn't it at all. I am just very
strongly opposed to fake spiritual teachers and quack doctors who mislead and hurt people.
And that is the final result of the 12-Step routine. Steppism kills more people than it saves.
And
that was proven by a doctor
who became a member of the Board of Trustees of Alcoholics Anonymous,
and he still loves the 12-Step cult religion, and
is its biggest promoter, even though it doesn't cure people.
This is nonsense:
"If I can't connect with life on life's terms which is what NA teaches me".
I know that is a standard Stepper slogan, but it is still nonsense. What are life's terms?
Well, you have to breathe or you will die. You have to drink water and eat food or else you will die.
You have to avoid damaging situations like jumping from tall buildings.
You have to avoid poisoning yourself, or overdosing on some drug.
Since you are alive to write a letter to me, I have to assume that you already know how to connect
with life on life's terms.
What that slogan really means is that they want you to live on the cult's terms, which you do not
have to do.
And no, the Steps do not
"help the quality of life (emotionally not materially)."
The Steps actually raise the death rate in alcoholics (and drug addicts), and also increase
the suicide rate, and
the divorce rate, and
the arrest rate, and
the cost of hospitalization.
Spending years in meetings confessing how bad you are is very damaging.
About not finding much joy in life: That sounds like a depression problem. Have you talked to
a qualified psychiatrist? And since you mentioned that your father is a 36-year-chip man,
that means that you were raised in a Stepper household. Have you considered what effect the
12-Step environment had on your mind while you were growing up, and your resulting depression
and inability to enjoy life?
Your sad state of mind may be due to a lifetime of exposure to
Bill Wilson's remake of Frank Buchman's
toxic perverted philosophy.
Buchmanism is really poisonous, you know, and will seriously mess with your mind.
You couldn't think of any reason not to take heroin (without Steppism)? Let me give you several:
By the way, that list is the start of a "cost-benefit analysis".
If we do another list, of the benefits of taking heroin, like that it kills the
pain and feels good, then that would be a cost-benefit analysis,
which is one way to look at things and decide which gives the greater benefits.
Look
here and
here and
here
for more about the cost-benefit analysis.
I don't know what YOLO means.
Now, do you have to be alone, or recover alone? No, of course not. All that I'm saying is that the
12 Steps are total fraud and cult religion bullshit that is
intended to mess with your mind.
You can find a variety of recovery groups and organizations where they will give you moral support
and encouragement without shoving old cult religion and misinformation on you.
Check out this list:
Lastly, congratulations on hanging in there for 3 1/2 years. I also relapsed once,
at the three-year point, about 22 years ago. I thought that a little nibbling
— just a few beers — would be okay, but I got sucked right back
into the habit, and drank for another 9 years. But now I have 12 1/2 years
clean and sober (and without any meetings or Steps or any of Bill Wilson's crazy dogma).
You can treat your previous relapse as a learning experience. You don't have to make the
same mistake again.
Have a good day, and a good life now.
== Orange
[The next letter from Elisa is here.]
Last updated 4 September 2013. |