Orange: I saved your site about six months ago and finally started reading a bit more today. I'm so glad I did. While I don't agree with some of your assertions regarding AA, because I don't believe there is sufficient justification for the generalizations, they are largely true. My own experience bears that out. I don't operate in authority paradigms and have had to confine myself to the AA fringes. It's been many years and I've gone about half of them with minimal attendance at meetings. I do that to keep away from these unhealthy and counter-productive aspects of "the program," and the members that are "true believers." If I had to be a "part of" all that the majority of AA is, I couldn't have stayed sober six months. I did have the experience of binge drinking as a consequence of forced abstinence without any actually useful therapy. It is much like fundamentalism in that way. I imagine one of those televangelists, being all Godly for six months, then getting caught in a compromising situation with a prostitute, and making a big display of repentance. It's a control scenario in cults. You mention Pacific Group and one other. That is more than a group. It's been a movement impacting AA everywhere. I think it's very dangerous, and the most illustrative example for most of your points, (at least the ones I've read so far). Well, I didn't write to go on and on and I won't. You've done a great job collecting resources and documentation... with a very coherent, systematic and logically progressive presentation. You have a PhD in "what's fucked up about AA." My own experience bears it out and I've been a member for 28 years... 22 sober now. I took their assertions of liberality, inclusiveness, egalitarianism, and "no pressure to conform," as gospel, and thrown it back at them for the entire time. I encourage irreverence, individuality and resources of support outside of AA. I covertly run interference when some wack job old timer is yarfing at some hapless court referee. That system of referring people from the courts is pure evil. It's unconstitutional and I don't believe it helps people all that much. Now around here, most of the people in AA got into AA that way and they are the system's biggest proponents. It has become entrenched. On the court side and industry side, it's all about the money and kick backs to legislators. On the AA side? I don't know... maybe they're selling Big Books. On a personal note, my own sister had five years sober when she committed suicide in a most horrible way. I know that she didn't "believe in doctors," a long time before she went to AA or CODA or ACOA. Nevertheless, she was in denial, bipolar and delusional at the end. You would think that someone in her life, in her home group could have referred her appropriately. I was thousands of miles away, and we were never close. Still, the unspoken dogma that AA is a panacea for all of life's problems, still inclines "true believers" to put themselves into other people's lives, inappropriately and destructively. Enough of a fan letter. You're cranky, obsessed, confrontative and smart; but passionate and sincere. I think you're also about 80% right. I'm saving your site for the wealth of information it provides and will be returning to read more in the weeks ahead. Thanks for your work. Dan
Hi Dan,
Thanks for the letter and the compliments.
I'm sorry to hear about your sister.
It's sad that not one person in her group told her to see a
doctor and get on some medications. They are so anti-medications.
That is one of the biggest criticisms that I have of A.A. and its
12-Step brethren. They have killed a lot of people with their
attitude of —
"We know more than doctors; stop taking your meds;
trust the 12 Steps to heal you."
Oh well, have a good day anyway.
== Orange
UPDATE: There is now an entire file of A.A. "No Medications" horror stories, here: A.A. "No Meds" Stories.
What an angry, sad little fellow. My heart goes out to you. I hope you find rest
Hi Taero,
Don't worry about me. I'm doing just fine.
So you have a good day now.
== Orange
Hey, i just wanted to thank you for your insight! a month in the program i relapsed on the second step because the program had me thinking my consciousness was my higher power. my consciousness stopped telling me to do good deeds and start acting out of paranoia. i was confused about if it was god or just my own insight. i ruled this out and ended up drinking because i felt that relapse was necessary as a part of recovery that AA taught in a meeting. A week later i had a debate with my sponsor about the first step and he immediately told me things like refrain from the debating society and your best of thoughts got you in here. further in the conversation he told me unless i admit that i am powerless to alcohol he cannot help me. Then he told me i should probably go out, drink, and figure it out on my own if i cannot be honest with myself. that right there told me that AA is dangerous stuff. you saved me lots of time i could have wasted in confusion and utter frustration with contradicting teachings. AA is a virus and its old members claim anyone who has little time and disagrees is insane under any circumstance. However, one thing i should note is that AA has provided me with confidence in public speaking and many sober friends who i can relate too. whenever i bring these papers up to my AA friends and they actually read what you have to say the experience is similar, they come out of the fog and untangle from the web of lies. Take Care :)
Hello Joe,
Thanks for the letter. I hope you are doing well. It sounds like you have your
head screwed on straight, so I think you will make it.
Have a good day and a good life.
== Orange
You know I have read a lot of what you have posted and I can't agree any more. It is insane to tell someone like my sister who was bi-polar and suffering from so much, that she should
My sister died last month, I don't blame AA completely but I feel that they definitely contributed to her death. She struggled with her 4th and 5th step for 1 1/2 years before she completed them this July. These people don't have a freaking clue as to what people really need to stay sober. Yes having faith helps, but there is so much more that is needed. It is un-bearable to not have her here, and even worse, that she felt that this group was the "God" given answer to her problems. Thank you for letting me tell her story. By the way — she died of an apparent cocaine overdose — we will have toxicology reports back in a few months. What they sell is cult-like lies, and fantasy dreams of how someone is going to become and stay sober. What a lie! -Please do not disclose my email address-
Lisa R.
Hello Lisa,
Thank you for the letter. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. It seems like there
have been a lot lately.
Have a good day now.
== Orange
Hey there, I just read your blog about aa, I'm quite sceptical about it too which led me to your page. I have a few questions though: What do you really think Bill is up to by starting this cult — what does he get out of it ? What does the cult get out of it? Ive been to aa meetings — yeah theres the god thing — but in no way is it forced. In fact its seemed to me to be a bit difficult to get involved in aa — sure people are nice to you, but theres no forcing of opinions or pressure to join like any other group ive ever known. ANY group. ive met some alocohilics/ drug addicts in my time and ive met recovered addicts that have been to na/ aa. The former have had shit lives and caused society major problems, the latter seem to be happy and making ammends. There was never any forcefull preaching I found. What is wrong with this in your opinion ? What damage, in your opinion, does aa do? Are you trying to reach out to people with your page? If not what are we supposed to do? You've told us aa is no good — so now what for us ? Im in no way an aa advocate — but i need something and i found some peace in one of these meetings recenty, not from god but from people — talking honestly and reaching out to other people, and for the first time I stopped thinking about myself and started thinking about others. This solved all my problems, at least for a while. I dont know where else I can get this feeling — and i dont want to cause myself or others in this world anymore pain. Anyway thats my story, appreciate your feedback. Thanks Marc
Hello Marc,
Well, starting at the top, we have discussed what people get out of A.A., and
why they keep coming back, several times, so let me point you to the lists.
Actually, there is a lot of pressure, but it is subtle, and proceeds by stages. It's like,
But then the rap changes to,
RE:
Well yes, but there is a logical disconnect there. Of course the junkies who are
not shooting heroin any more are stealing less and being less of a problem to
society. But there is no evidence that A.A. or N.A. made them get clean and sober.
It's the other way around. They got themselves clean and sober because they
wanted a better life, and now some of
them go to A.A. or N.A. meetings occasionally.
What you are not seeing are all of the other clean and sober recovered
people who are not going to A.A. or N.A. meetings. They have better lives too.
You also don't know which of those A.A./N.A. members will relapse and go back out
tomorrow. A.A. and N.A. have
terrible track records
when it comes to keeping them clean and sober.
Well, for starters, I just got two more death reports, just before your letter
came in,
here
and
here.
Then there is the usual list of very nasty side effects of A.A., like
raising the rate of binge drinking,
and
raising the rate of rearrests for drunkenness,
and
raising the death rate of alcoholics.
You said that A.A. gives you a feeling that you get nowhere else. WARNING!
That is the kiss of death. There is very little difference between chasing a
feeling in a cult, and chasing a feeling by shooting heroin or drinking alcohol.
You are still just chasing a feeling, still just trying to get your
feel-goods, and letting "feeling good" decide your life.
You need something much more substantial than warm and fuzzy feelings
for the basis of a successful and happy life.
Cults are very clever when it comes to instilling feelings of instant intimacy
and brotherhood. The confession routines, where you have to
"share" your innermost dirty little secrets, create a
conflict in your mind — "cognitive dissonance" —
that can only be resolved by coming
to believe that the other people in the group are your dearest,
closest, most trusted, friends.
I just explained how that works in an earlier letter,
here.
Now, for what works. We have discussed that many times, so let me point you
at the most recent list,
here.
Have a good day and a good life.
== Orange
HI Orange, Great site. So many of the AA sponsors are self appointed gurus like the emperor with no clothes, self-enamored in delusion. Keep up the good work giving people options for recovery from alcohol problems. Sherwoode
Hi Sherwoode,
Thanks for the compliments, and you have a good day too now.
== Orange
What in the world is your problem with AA? If you don't like it...leave it. It'll still be there when/if you change your mind. The people I know who attend meetings are neither Bill W nor Dr. Bob. Sadly they passed on years ago. So why the anger? You might take a look at it.
Hello Al,
I left A.A. many years ago. Unfortunately, A.A. and the Stepper True Believers
and the 12-Step Treament Centers are still foisting
cult religion and quack medicine on sick people. That is why I write about them.
If A.A. would go away and leave the sick people alone, I'd leave it alone.
But that isn't what A.A. is about. No way is A.A. going to stop participating
in coercive recruiting and deceptive recruiting, and treatment centers
charging many thousands of dollars for a 28-day introduction to 12-Step religion.
That's how A.A. gets its new members.
Have a good day.
== Orange
Hey, Terry, In their attention to minutiae and pursuit of the obscure, someone over at historylovers asked the question "What was Bill Wilson taking when he spoke of "goofballs"? After much debate, discussion, and dissertation, this was posted. In the end, interesting info. LSD and the belladonna cocktail weren't Bill's only ventures into the realm of the psychedelic. Mike
Hi Mike,
Thanks for the note. The first thing that I noticed was how Bill Wilson was again
declaring that all alcoholics are just as bad as him. That is
The "Us Stupid Drunks" Conspiracy yet again.
Bill Wilson and A.A. said that they wanted to remove the stigma of alcoholism,
but they actually constantly worked to make it worse.
"Don't let the alcoholic have the bottle."
The lesson is, You can't trust an alcoholic. He will screw things up every time.
Oh well, have a good day anyway.
== Orange
Why do you hate AA so much. Is your heart filled with that much hatred towards all? Please let me know. God bless you; Drew (a 32 year sober Christian active in AA)
Hello Drew,
No, my heart is not filled with hatred for all. But I do have a resentment against
criminals who foist quack medicine on sick people. Do you approve of that crime?
Since you claim to be a Christian, please read the file on
The Heresy of the Twelve Steps,
and then explain to me how you manage to ignore the gross contradictions
and conflicts between Christian beliefs and
Dr. Frank N. D. Buchman's
cult religion practices and beliefs.
Have a good day.
== Orange
Dear Mr 'orange'- I have recently stumbled onto your site while doing some research for an on-line class I am taking. Though I initially 'felt' your site a bit hostile toward the 12-step program, after reading a lot of the articles and doing a bit of thinking (yes some of us 12-steppers go beyond the cultic knee-jerk, and do think) I must first thank you for letting me see from where a lot of animosity toward the 12-step program stems. No — not from you, but from the humanistic mistakes of members, present and former, some much worse than others. And I do agree that there are some people and groups who are very small minded, legalistic, closed minded, etc. Yet there are some of us that have taken the original principals, as written, not necessarily as practised by the originators (who were only humans), and applyed them as best we know how. "Principles before personalities" I congratulate you on your use of the SMART program to maintain your sobriety. In my studies I am finding several other mutual-help groups which have helped others stay clean and sober. Though they would not have worked for me early in my sobriety (I could have rationalized myself right back to the bottom of the scotch bottle), and I may not understand nor agree with their principles or methods, I do respect that there is not a 'universal cure', with one program fitting all. As we are in a rural area of the country, these other groups (SMART, WFS, MM) are not accessible to us, yet I will keep an open mind as I continue to read the literature and investigate the beliefs and workings of the other various programs. In the meantime, I also keep a close eye to the 12-step groups which my clients attend, as well as the individuals they choose to sponser them. If we (other counselors and myself) do not believe the sponser is appropritae (i.e. working an honest program, non-dictatorial, not letting the client think and do for themselves, etc) we suggest they find another. We also do not carbon copy pages from a Big Book or other 'propaganda' materials to 'indotrinate' our clients, though we do require they attend so many meetings each week, depending on the phase level at which they are. Therapy will not last forever, and we believe that a good outside mutual-help group is essential for continued sobriety and re-integration in a healthy manner. I guess, after reading a lot of the 'hate mail' from those who propose to follow the 12-step precepts (especially "live and let live"), I just needed to put in my 2 cents and let you know that not all of us 12-steppers are closed minded or cultic. I have been in the 12-step program for over 20 years now, and it has worked for me. Thank you for your time and attention.
Sincerely,
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass... it's about
learning how to dance in the rain."
Hello Trudy,
Thank you for the letter. I am very aware of the fact that there are occasionally
some very nice people who show up at A.A. meetings, and I have said so repeatedly.
(Look
here
and
here
and
here.
Also see the
Newcomer Rescue League, here.)
Unfortunately, the nice people do not offset the harm done by the
sexual predators and the crazies and the fanatics, and the inherently
unhealthy 12-Step program.
Nice people like you do not make up for A.A. super-groups
that are cults of personality like
Mike Q.'s 'Midtown Group',
or
Clancy I.'s Pacific Group.
(More Pacific info
here and
here and
here and
here, and
more Midtown stories here.)
This statement makes an incorrect assumption:
I do not "use the SMART program" to maintain my sobriety.
I do not use any program at all to maintain my sobriety.
A big part of my message is that "programs" are a hoax,
and unnecessary, and don't work.
(I haven't been to any kind of "recovery" meeting in 4 or 5 years now, and yet, I still have 9 years clean and sober.)
And SMART is not "a program". It is a collection of techniques
for straightening out your thinking, and getting a grip, and no longer driving yourself
crazy.
I am curious about your success rate in sobering up alcoholics, or getting
drug addicts off of drugs.
You speak of your "clients", but it isn't clear whether you work at a clinic or
treatment center, or private practice.
So, without any qualifiers like
"those who really tried",
"those who graduated",
or "who kept coming back",
what kind of a success rate are you getting with 12-Step-based programs?
Thank you.
Have a good day.
== Orange
2012.01.04: It's been over two years, and still no answer about the success rate of 12-Step-based treatment.
Your anger is showing.
The nail has been hit on the AA head. Fantastic — I am speechless. Excellent! Bravo! Hail!
Hi Nate,
Thanks for all of the compliments. You have a good day too.
== Orange
[The story of Carmen continues here.]
Orange, Thank you for your site. How do you and Jesus Christ relate to each other? — John
Hello John,
Thanks for the letter. And the answer is, "Just fine. We could sit down together
at dinner and have a good old time."
As I have said many times, I am not an atheist. I am simply opposed to lying
evil cult religions that hurt people, things like Scientology, the Moonies,
and Alcoholics Anonymous.
Have a good day.
== Orange
Dear Orange: you are doing to me what you claim AA does to everyone else — fill me with folly and fear. Sure. I agree with you. I have thought those things about AA for many years. I have been real real slow at getting deeply involved with AA. I have a lot of trouble staying sober even though I want to stay sober. but treatment centers (all of them) point to AA. There are no other alternatives. I used to be able to quit alone, but lately I have been less successful at staying sober. Where else do I go? What else do I do? I dont have any answers. AA really doesn't have any answers. I'm still basically atheist, as I always have been. I guess I/m totally fucked? Cant stay sober. Cant do AA. There's nothing else....... There is no cure? Those higher up the ladder quit more easily...My drinking and drugging did get worse. It used to be much easier to just stop. WHAT DO U RECOMMEND? Tell me. Just stop? Unless I talk to someone about how I feel, I usually bottle it up and explode back to drinking. Treatment does not work... AA does not work... what works?
Hello Peter,
Well, I sure don't want to make you feel like nothing works.
Something does work, actually, several things work.
The first and most important thing that works is You. You are not
insane or powerless over alcohol. You can use your own native intelligence
and will power to improve your life.
(That is in fact the one "article of faith" in SMART.)
We have talked many times about what works, and what helps.
Here are three links to some raps about helpful things and lists of links to more things:
Please check them out. There is a lot of stuff there.
As far as the need for company and companionship, that is normal, and very human.
You didn't say whether you lived way out in the country where there simply
were no other meetings besides A.A., or if you meant that there were just no
treatment centers that didn't sell 12-Step cult religion.
You can certainly find online conversations to keep you company.
There are several good non-12-Step organizations and methods now, and
almost all of them have web sites with forums and chat groups.
And then there are groups that have no "program", and are just forums and
chat groups for sobriety and recovery.
For something simple that you can take away from this immediately, just
remember these two sayings:
I find the first one really helpful because as long as I follow that one
rule, I don't need any other rules or any program. And it is a mathematical
certainty that if you don't take the first drink, you can't take the fourth or fifth
or tenth drink, and drink too much.
The second saying looks at the scene as a movie on videotape, and tells us to
look at the whole movie, not just the next five minutes. While having a drink
right now might look inviting and relaxing and fun and painless,
at the end of the tape we
see the same old routine of sickness, hang-overs, regrets, and worse. Often much
worse. So playing the tape to the end, and seeing what "just one"
really leads to, helps to quickly kill the desire to drink.
And especially read about the
Lizard Brain Addiction Monster.
Understanding what the stupid base brain is doing and saying to me
and how it tries to seduce me into drinking and smoking
has been a life-saver for staying sober and not getting sucked back into drinking again.
Have a good day and a good life.
Don't hesitate to write back if you have more questions.
== Orange
You know I REALLY appreciate your efforts with the orange papers. None of this AA stuff has made me sober...thought i keep working it. I still go but I am mostly quiet. I am 8 yrs in the program with 8 weeks of "AA sobriety" mostly because I started taking Wellbutrin, and listening to my DOCTOR and reading your papers. I wish there was a rational recovery in my area and wished I had stumbled upon your stuff thanks again for your help! My question, after reading some of your site and reading the Francis Hartigan book, I was wondering in your opinion, do you think Bill's "depressions" were just guilt or do you think he was a chronic relapser as well. I keep getting this feeling through reading "biographies" and papers/net stuff that he was relapsing. The people around him prop'ed him up. I mean the reason this begs the question is the financial stuff. That's a lot of money to be in gray areas. Therefore it begs the question... was it booze money? I mean i "know" this feeling of needing "re-conversion" which Hartigan wrote about Bill's questing for after the "hot-flash" This i have "looked" for too because I can't stay sober for long term. Though it is not really that big of a deal now that I am taking wellbutrin — it has made my drinking less serious though I am not able to get the old buzz going... i drink for a few hours instead of major binges. But i have these episodes of depression only after drinking, mostly cause of what I now believe in the brainwashing effect of the AA cult. I don't really buy into the depressions so much now that I read your papers. Maybe I am a normal drinker with a head full of AA shit. I will report back if i don't die an "alcoholic death," LoL KC
Hello KC,
Thanks for the letter and the compliments, and a great question.
Unfortunately, there is no documented answer, so all that I can do is some
guesswork, drawing inferences from what little information is available.
I have repeatedly been told that Bill Wilson relapsed often.
One old veteran who had been in and out of A.A. for 30 years said,
"Heck, one of them [the Founders] was relapsing all of the time."
Still, that is hearsay, and none of it is documented, and I'd really like something
a lot more solid.
Francis Hartigan, who was Lois Wilson's secretary, documented Bill Wilson
smoking himself to death, but I don't recall him talking about Bill drinking.
And
Susan Cheever,
who wrote
a fawning,
hero-worshipping biography of Bill Wilson,
got access to the secret locked-and-sealed Alcoholics Anonymous
historical archives, and got ahold of the log book of the male nurse who
tended to Bill Wilson at his death. That log book documents Bill Wilson repeatedly
screaming for whiskey, and threatening to punch out the nurse who wouldn't
give Bill any alcohol.
Still, they don't say that Wilson ever got any alcohol to drink.
They rationalize Bill's behavior by saying that Wilson was just out of his head
as he lay dying.
About the question, "Was it booze money?" Who knows? Bill Wilson admitted in
his own autobiographical stories that
he wasted a lot of money. As soon as he got some money in his hands, Bill Wilson had to
be seen eating at the finest (most expensive) restaurants with "the best people",
and dressing in fine suits, and putting on airs of being a prosperous
stock broker.
Wilson's weak ego needed constant bolstering, which is a common sign of
Narcissistic
Personality Disorder.
Personally, I think Bill Wilson just wanted everything, and he needed money for it.
Bill even got the A.A. foundation to supply him with a Cadillac car and a house
in the country, but he still went through a lot more money.
It is just not possible to say how much he spent on alcohol
(or other drugs).
It sounds like you are dealing with your alcohol problem okay. I wish you luck
and good health.
Have a good day and a good life.
== Orange
Dear Orange Thank you so much for all your hard work Please know that it has helped me
blessings,
Hi Gloria,
Thanks for the thanks, and I trust that you are doing well.
So have a good day.
== Orange
Some place in it Bill says that the social environment is the cause of addiction... or something to that effect. KC
Hi again, KC,
I'll have to check on that. It wouldn't surprise me.
At various times, Bill Wilson said that a zillion different
things caused alcoholism, ranging from
selfishness and unconfessed sins, to nagging wives.
See the list here.
Date: Wed, November 4, 2009 7:45 am (answered 28 November 2009) Didn't Bill W work for marine midland? he tried to selling marine supplies or something like that while newly sober.
I'm not sure about that. What I recall about Marine Midland is that
the banker Wallace C. von Arx
worked there.
Documents about the financial history of A.A. show that
Mr. von Arx was an early financial supporter
of the Big Book project.
He was probably also an early member of A.A.
That means that Bill Wilson and Wallace C. von Arx certainly knew each other,
and it is possible that Mr. von Arx gave Bill Wilson a job for a while.
I'll have to check further to see if there are any other references
or factoids to be found.
Date: Wed, November 4, 2009 8:35 am (answered 28 November 2009) Fuck dude, this part makes me sick to my stomach. I'd been in this nutcase's care for the past six- eight years and bought it...fuck. It is so fn obvious now. I know all this stuff I've read everything but this site. Now it comes to me. Thank you again. KC
KC
Yeh, somehow I don't think I would go to Bill Wilson for advice on mental
health issues. (Or for spirituality, or for sobriety, or ...)
Oh well, have a good day anyway.
== Orange
Last updated 14 February 2015. |