April 3, 2009 Hello Orange I'm writing you this letter to tell you my story concerning my adventure to and through recovery. I have now been sober since December 23, 2005. I will never forget that day. It was the Christmas season. I had received a small gift from a client which I had brought home after work. I was having a difficult time tearing the tape so I picked up a pair of scissors which belonged to my wife. She went ballistic. I put her scissors down immediately. I never knew a woman could be so attached to a sewing tool. She continued her tirade. We were sober during this argument, I promise nothing physical happened just a lot of fussing. She left home I assumed to cool off so I tried to do the same. I watched TV and drank several beers [four or five, I don't remember]. Finally she did come home but re-started the same argument about how I was abusing her personal property. I had had enough so this time I foolishly left home to return to my office. I have a cot there and could spend the night. I felt this would alleviate the fussing. Damn, was I wrong. She called the local police. They came to my office an arrested me for family violence and driving under the influence. To jail I went. Although nothing physical happened accept the fussing and my leaving I spent that night and the next day in jail. The charge of family violence was dismissed for lack of any evidence. I did plead no-contest to the driving charge. Yes, I did drive after drinking. I made a poor decision. After release I did not go home but rather to a 12 step-based treatment facility in Statesboro Georgia called Willingway. This was my doing because while in jail I made the decision to "stop drinking". No one talked to me, no revelations, I just decided alcohol was ruining my marriage and life. At that time I truly did not know of an alternative to the so called AA/12 step recovery program. I truly loved my wife and wanted to do what was right. Did I make a mistake? My time at Willingway was actual "HELL". Yes, I made five weeks there without a drink, but only because they locked me up and did not serve alcohol. The doctor there, and man called Dr. Bob, called my wife. He subsequently explained to me with exact precision how I had attacked my wife. Although [it was] a total lie, I stood no chance of explaining the truth — that would be denial. He further explained if I ever again drank or left treatment my wife would divorce me, taking everything I had. We had only been married eight months. Bullshit. I was truly scared to death. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't allowed to call home or even use the phone at all. I was assigned a counselor who had been sober only a year himself. He was a former house painter. He just listened to me and reported to the Doctor my so-called shortcomings as he interpreted. I managed to not drink, but not because of anything they did but in spite of what they did. While there I was taken off medicines for depression which I had been taking for years. They said I didn't need it. Even when I became physically and emotionally ill, they just talked to me and said it would pass. Bullshit again. However one day I cut my finger while playing a game, I was rushed to the local emergency room. Needless to say I finally came home sicker than when I left. The last four days there, my wife came down. She was told "her picker was broken". The words of the Doctor's wife and head counselor. The wife was advised to file for divorce as soon as possible. I thought I was the patient. Orange, am I missing something here? I'm not a bad person, I made a mistake. After arriving home I was taken to AA by my wife. This lasted less than a week because she said it was my problem. I couldn't drive because of the DUI. I had no license. She invited me out of the house and back to the office I went. And yes, a divorce was filed. AA was not much help. I went and listen to how everything was my fault and I needed to make amends. My wife refused to talk so I didn't call her again. Again, even rationally enough is enough. I'm the party that filed for divorce. Eventually I stopped going to AA, but guess what? I'm still sober as they call it. There are no other recovery groups in my area accept something called "Celebrate Recovery". I went one time. Not again. AA looks goods in comparison. I talked to a Civil Attorney about sueing Willingway but didn't pursue the idea. I just decided to take my new single life and live a good sober life. I have done that. Without AA or that damn treatment place. Now they send me letters wanting donations. Now I realize your site is geared toward the evils of AA. I can not help you much there because I got out early. I have no war stories to tell. That 12 step treatment center was enough for me. My name is X. I'm writing you this letter really to try and get this anger out of my system. Please forgive me. I would appreciate you real opinion of the same. Please please don't publish my name or particulars. Why, because although I swear on all that is good I tell the truth I fear those people at Willingway. That Doctor was without a doubt the meanest man I have ever known. He reminds me of one of those German Doctors that ran a concentration camp during WWII. I have seen them in the movies, I didn't know any were still around. I enjoy your site. Although I don't agree with everything you say. [just a bit]. It has caused me to think about what I need and should expect of "my" recovery. Thank you very much.
X
Hello X,
Thanks for the letter, and it isn't out of place. I like to cover the wider field,
which includes the treatment centers that push A.A. nonsense on defenseless victims.
"Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers" are one of the biggest organized crime
rackets in the USA. The "evils of A.A.", and the evils of 12-Step-based
treatment centers are one and the same.
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I trust that you are feeling better now.
At that "treatment center", we see the common A.A. doctrine of
faith healing and opposition to medications —
"You don't need anti-depressants
or other psychiatric medications — just trust the 12 Steps to heal you."
12-Step treatment centers are as bad as Scientology when it comes to
opposing psychiatric medications, and taking people off of medications.
And their policies are based on just as little real medical knowledge.
We also see standard Cult Characteristic Number Two:
You are always wrong.
It doesn't matter what you say or do, they are always right and you are always wrong.
In addition, we also see standard Cult Characteristic Number 34:
The Cult Implants Phobias:
And there is
82. Denial of the truth.
Reversal of reality.
The treatment centers also pretend that they have a treatment program that really works,
which is another reversal of reality.
See this letter
for a lot more on how treatment centers fake their success statistics.
And they even arrogated unto themselves even the role of marriage counselor,
feeling qualified to tell your wife to divorce you just because you
drove drunk, so you are of course automatically an alcoholic and a bad
person. Some help. You really got your money's worth from that treatment center,
didn't you?
Then they push totally irrational A.A. dogma on you as if it was the truth, and
insist that you must believe it, and live their way, or else...
That is a whole lot of standard cult behavior:
Welcome to the 12-Step treatment center racket.
(Note that, when you are reading the cult test pages,
you can switch to the A.A. answers to any of those Cult Test questions by clicking on
the number of the question. And clicking on the number in the answers will switch you
back to the question.)
Oh, and about the doctor:
Disrespectful, sadistic, and even vicious treatment of the inmates of
treatment centers is commonplace.
Also read about Boot Camps: Children's Gulags
for more of that. And there you will read about Rev. Miller Newton, Ph.D.,
who was described by a girl who survived his abusive "rehab program" as,
Oh well, have a good day anyway.
== Orange
The weather was good, so Carmen and I went back to Waterfront Park, bright and early.
The family of 5 larger goslings showed up soon. Here they are having a breakfast of rice
that I brought for them.
The family of 5 larger goslings, eating rice. Carmen ran to join them as soon as she saw them. This time, the father was not so patient. He actually bit Carmen and told her to go away. She just ran around him and joined the goslings anyway.
Carmen plus the 5 larger goslings, grazing. As usual, Carmen is the small one in the middle. She is going for 2 grains of rice that are stuck on the back of one of the other goslings. Then there was another dog alert, and all of the geese ran for the river. I followed them down to the river. They went out of sight for a minute when they went over the river bank. When I got to the river bank and looked down, I saw the "family of 5" — the family with 5 goslings — but without Carmen. Carmen was nowhere to be seen. I began to have all kinds of dark thoughts, like, "Did she drown? Did they kill her? Is she under water?" And then I noticed that another family of geese was swimming away off to the right. They had 5 smaller goslings just Carmen's size. Then I realized, "Hey! Wait a minute! I know that family, but they only have 4 goslings." (It was the same family as I had been looking at the previous night.) So I started snapping pictures fast so that I could document this and examine the photographs later, because things were happening too fast for me to see it all clearly.
The family of 5, without Carmen.
The family of 4 goslings that somehow now has 5 goslings. Later, in the evening, when I was able to study the photographs, I zoomed in on the goslings. Look at the three goslings on the right. It appears that Carmen is the one in the middle. But of course. She was always the one in the middle. She was so desperate to be just one of the kids that she was always planting herself right in the middle of the goslings.
Carmen is the one on the right. Yes, that's Carmen, with her dark spots on her cheeks, and darker than usual brown cap on her head and dark brown back, and the light streaks down her wings and across her tail. Apparently, Carmen did a quick switch. In the confusion and commotion and hubbub of the run from the dog, when the parents were looking up at the river bank and watching for the dog, Carmen slipped into the brood of this other family behind their backs, and then acted like she was just one of the regular kids, and insisted, "Hey, I'm just one of the kids. I've been here all along. Don't look at me. Ain't nobody here but us chickens." Carmen had the good sense to realize that the situation with the family of 5 older goslings was hopeless — they just weren't going to accept her. So, when she saw her opportunity with this family, she took it. She left the other family and jumped into this family so fast, it was such a smooth slick trick, that a magician doing a shell game would be proud of the move. "The hand is quicker than the eye. Watch closely now. Whoops! Where did the gosling go?" But how could Carmen pull it off? Some people have asked, "Don't Canada Geese know what their own children look like?" Yes, they do. I'm sure it helped Carmen a lot that she was a dead ringer for one of the other goslings in the family. That was just plain lucky. Look at the last little gosling in the rear. Carmen closely resembles that gosling, so closely that she was able to pass herself off as one of the kids. Compare the gosling in the photo below with Carmen in the photo above.
The last gosling, enlarged. The gosling in the rear is almost as dark, and also has brown spots on its cheeks. It just lacks Carmen's distinctive light stripes on the wings and tail. This one has lighter stripes there too, but they aren't as sharply-defined and distinct as Carmen's. Carmen and this gosling are very similar, but you can tell them apart if you have photographs to study closely. The Canada Geese parents have the disadvantage that their children change in appearance from day to day. The babies actually grow so fast that they are constantly changing in appearance. The parents can only have a general idea of what their babies look like. They can't have a really specific nit-pickingly detailed idea what their babies look like because that idea will be wrong tomorrow. That's the reason that there was little hope that Carmen's real parents would return and claim her. After 3 or 4 days, the baby has changed in appearance so much that her parents won't recognize her. "Nah, that big kid isn't the one that we lost. Our baby is smaller and lighter than that one." (Not any more, it isn't.) So anyway, I followed this family of geese all over the place for the rest of the day, to make sure that Carmen was okay. More photos and story follow. [The story of Carmen continues here.]
Do you have other information and sites about the Drugs Roots of AA? Reid McF.
Hello Reid,
I'm not 100% sure what you are referring to by "the Drugs Roots of AA".
Two things come to mind:
Have a good day.
== Orange
On the page The Funny Spirituality of Bill Wilson and A.A. there are several recipes for "curing" alcoholism with hallucinogens, somewhat reminiscent of the current practice of treating e.g. heroinism with ibogaine — although I must admit that in the current case, there are at least some medical theories as to how it would work, as opposed to the belladonna treatment — with one recipe for C.C. pills. You forgot to mention one of the ingredients in that particular recipe, an ingredient that most certainly demands a mention. Of course the pill is cathartic — it contains mercury of all things! Hydrargyri chloridi mitis translates into something akin to medium-strong mercury chloride (note that mercury ion exists in several electron configurations — I'm not sure of this "medium-strong" version is mercuric or mercurous chloride). This ingredient was used for centuries to induce violent diarrhea and vomiting, in accordance with the old theory that this would purge the person from whatever ill was at the time, one of the four humors or demonic possession — it's up to you. Thankfully, we've since quite a while accepted the fact, known since centuries as well, that mercury is extremely toxic, and we don't prescribe it to anyone for anything anymore. But it took until the 19th century for people to accept the already known fact. I've always wondered what that "belladonna cure" was — thank you for enlightening me! I must say I'm appalled that it is still mentioned in "the book", now that I know what it was — a toxic trip deluxe.
Kindest regards,
Hi Petri,
Thanks for the information. I didn't know that
Hydrargyri chloridi mitis was actually a mercury compound. Wow.
I remember a lecture that I got
about mercuric chloride — it's used as a catalyst in one process for
making printed circuit boards. Since it's a catalyst, you only need a tiny
amount of it. Nevertheless, the drift of the lecture was,
"You really don't want to use that stuff.
It's too toxic to keep around. Please don't buy it." I didn't.
The "treatment" that Bill Wilson received in Towns' Hospital
really was a toxic witch's brew.
It's amazing that medicine was still that primitive in 1934.
Well, people may still get cult religion as a quack cure
for alcoholism, but at least they don't get mercuric chloride.
Have a good day.
== Orange
[Another letter from Petri, and another poison that Bill Wilson got from Dr. Silkworth, is here.]
Hello. I'm very impressed by your thoroughgoing analysis of AA. Many of your objections to the program are similar to the ones I've had over the years. However, I was wondering, to put it rather bluntly, who you are? Why do you hide your identity?
Hi Matt,
Thanks for the letter and the compliments. In the past, I hid my identity because
it was necessary for my own welfare, like to keep my housing.
Now it is no longer necessary. I broke my anonymity some time ago.
My birth name is Terrance Hodgins, and I live in Portland, Oregon.
My guess is that you tried out AA at one time in your life, and that your criticisms of AA come from your negative experiences with it. Am I right? And what motivated you to write The Orange Papers? Did you want to get out the message? Last but not least, how did you find the time to write as much as you did? The length of your writings is truly astounding!
Ah, you haven't read the introduction, have you? Read these items for the
answers to most of your questions:
About the time spent on the web site — I actually feel like I don't spend enough time on it.
I'm retired now, so I have a bunch of spare time.
I spend most of my time doing other things like working on my suntan down at the
river,
and feeding the cute little goslings,
and working on my guitar playing,
and doing photography,
and shopping for treasures at Goodwill.
I just get a little time in on the web site.
What you are really seeing is the result of 8 years of working on the web site.
A little work here, a little work there, a bunch of work over there,
and it adds up after 8 years.
I can't say I agree with everything you say, but I do find some of your assertions to be quite accurate. I hope to hear from you!
Best,
Okay, Matt, you have a good day too.
== Orange
Hi Terry, Happy to see you've gotten a chance to respond to more letters.
I see you've included links to X-Steppers; you should know that they have moved from
MSN and found a new home on Multiply:
Hi Raymond,
Thanks for the tip. Have a good day now.
== Orange
Dear Orange, Thank you for your web site and hard work. I believe AA has become a very powerful and dangerous organization. When you want out they simply don't want to let you go and they are tenacious about it. I've had scarey things happen since I left the program. Is there any forum where I could go to talk about it with others? Thanks Ironman
Hello Ironman,
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, but not surprised.
Yes, there are a bunch of forums that I can think of:
Have a good day.
== Orange
Hello, I've been reading your interesting site. As an alcoholic and attendant to AA meetings I find some of your points sound. However I find some other arguments either lacking or mislead due I guess to your own bad experience. I've been attending meeting for 1 an a half yeras now and I must tell you that: No one has a problem with my religious beliefs. In fact, we hold meetings at a catholic church, most of us are catholics and that does not suppose a problem for anyone. Actually many people have found their way back to catholic church through AA. Also, there is no problem with people not following steps. You do things when and if you're ready and willing. If you don't want to, for example, tell your intimate stuff to anyone, you are not pushed in any way. Actually, nobody knows what you do or don't unless you tell. No money has ever been asked from me. Whether I show up at meetings or not, no one ever said a word about that. I'm only asked to declare myslef powerless to drink in a controlled way. That surrender does not carry to any other part of my life. I'm actually encouraged to act and take matters in may own hands to imporve my life. I am encouraged to acknowledge a superior power that takes care of thing I cannot for better or worse and I'm told to hope it'll be for the better. Government does the same thing and collects taxes from me to do it, most often with worse results than God. I've never once heard any negative things said about other recovery methods. Actually I've only heard "use each and every tool within your reach to stay sober". Those are the main issues where I think you are mislead. On the other hand, reading your site I find a furious attack not only to AA but the whole 12 step program which according to yourself has been copied from the professional mental health community to other areas (drigs, tobacco, etc.), plus peads for money and publicity of other methods with which you do not state you relationship, nor do you disclose you earnings. I have to tell you that you fall in most of the wrongdoings you label AA with and do not fill any of your pleads, starting with hiding under an alias. It is too bad there are no AVRT groups in Spain so I could attend them and see what you taunt as such a good program. Of course I'm not about to spend > 400 USD on DVDs or watches, much less AVRT watches or other merchandise. Lastly, I kicked the smoking habit overnight, if I were to use your arguments so much for your beast. Regards Servando
Hello Servando,
As I've said many times, A.A. groups vary immensely. Some are full of very
nice, easy-going people, and some are like neo-Nazi meetings, and some
are like cult religion meetings. The fact that
you found a nice meeting does not mean that there are not other people suffering
in other groups. The letters that I receive tell me of plenty of horror stories.
We were just talking about those horror stories, and I put together a short list
of some of those stories
here.
There are no AVRT meetings anywhere in the world, that I know of. AVRT is a technique,
not a meeting group. It's Addictive Voice Recognition Therapy or Technique.
Jack Trimpey, who founded and then closed down the Rational Recovery meetings,
teaches it. And so do I, actually. Again, you don't have to go to meetings,
or buy junk, or even buy a book or take a course, really.
You can get the gist of it just from reading the web page about
The Lizard-Brain Addiction Monster.
AVRT is a technique that you practice in your day-in, day-out living,
not a meeting to go to. You recognize when the little monster is trying to
talk you into smoking or drinking or doping, and you don't let him fool you
with his arguing and wheedling and complaining and bad logic.
About quitting, yes, I've had such an instant quitting experience too.
In 1976, when my infant son was just newborn, we were moving from New Mexico
to Oregon to start a better life. I said, "I'm going to need all of my
energy for this trip." So I threw my cigarettes into the fire, and got
into a Jeep and drove to Oregon, and didn't smoke a cigarette for a year,
and I don't even remember going through any withdrawal or having any cravings.
And yet at other times, quitting smoking was like World War III, and I'd flat-out
go crazy behind it. I have no explanation for how it could be so easy one
time and so hard at other times.
The Lizard-Brain Addiction Monster web page is intended to be an aid for
those times when it really isn't easy.
Have a good day.
== Orange
Agent Orange, Thanks for all the effort you've put into your site. I'm a born-again Christian, arguably an AA true believer, but nevertheless I've felt a growing unease about the "spiritual, not religious" hooey during my years in the program. Your thoughtful and hilarious essays are helping me separate the wheat from the chaff. Kind of a "deprogramming-lite." I'm just getting into it — halfway through the Snake Oil file, chortling and nodding all the while — and I felt compelled to fire off a missive. Hmmm... was that "God-control"? Regards, Brian
Hi Brian,
Thanks for the note, and thanks for all of the compliments. And thanks
for the laugh.
And you have a good day too.
== Orange
Dear Mr. Orange,
You are right. After spending two years in Debtor's Anonymous, I was broke, homeless, and covered in fleas. I was worse than when I first attended. "Get to a meeting" my sponsor said. How many meetings? How much literature can I read? How many program phone calls until my life gets back together? No matter how many meetings, reading, or calls I did, it never got better. In the end, the people in DA were kind and patient, but did not help. Life is hard, but endless navel gazing at meetings is not the answer.
Sincerely,
Hi David,
Thanks for the letter and the compliments.
I hope you are feeling better. You know, if you are
still having problems with debt, you might check out SMART. It teaches how
to straighten out your thinking, and not let irrational thoughts mess up your
life. It's basically about how to stop driving yourself crazy.
I can't help but think that maybe a chronic debt problem is caused by a compulsion
or irrational thought about buying something that you feel will make you happy.
I could be completely off-base there, but if I'm on the right track, try
some SMART meetings and see if you like them, and see if they are helpful.
Have a good day.
== Orange
Hi Orange, Good to see you well and active. Just a thought to share with you. I was active in AA 4-5 years in London. At meetings, it was a commonly quoted statistic that official AA surveys showed that there were only 2,000 regular attendees at AA meetings in London. It was usually quoted with pride that we were the "lucky ones" to have "got it". On reflection, that number says a lot though. There are 7.5 million people in the London area (approx 5 million adults). Studies vary, but suggest that something in the region of 5% of the adult population could be diagnosed as clinically alcoholic. Or, in the case of London, 250,000 adults. So what are we to make of an organisation that, with 95% of people walking out within one year (probably in disgust, bemusement, or both), ends up helping precisely 0.8% of all alcoholics in London? I would say not only ineffectual, but supremely irrelevant. It also gives the lie to the mindless mantra, AA-has-saved-millions, that they keep repeating in the hope that volume with make up for lack of evidence. According to the figures that AA themself repeat in meetings, you can extrapolate that AA is "working" for approximately 16,000 people in the UK (population 60 million). People who statistically would probably have sorted themselves out anyway! Be safe, John
Hi John,
Thanks for the letter and the statistical analysis. I have to agree — that's
very revealing.
And I especially agree with the last line,
"People who would
have sorted themselves out anyway."
All of the evidence says that's what they do — a bunch
of people sober themselves up, by using their own will power and resolve and intelligence and
common sense, and then a few of them give the credit for their sobriety
to A.A., and say that A.A. or the 12 Steps made them get sober, which is
a groundless assumption, unsupported by any facts.
The percentage of people who get sober in A.A. is of course the same as
the normal rate of spontaneous remission — the success rate of people who
go it alone and do it themselves. So those really are the people
who "sort themselves out anyway."
Have a good day.
== Orange
Hey Orange, Just wanted to let you know that your web-site has AGAIN been cited in a "scholarly article" in the current issue of "Free Inquiry". Most of what the article states is on your web-site, so its fair to sat that "orange-papers.info" is a "primary source"! Keep it up! :) John McC
Hi again, John,
Thanks for the note. Interesting.
== Orange
Date: Sun, April 12, 2009 8:50 pm (answered 3 June 2009) Please post to your web-site.
Okay, thanks for the tip, and I'll have to check out that book.
You have a good day too.
== Orange
Last updated 6 October 2013. |